The Purity Ball - What do you think?
May 19, 2008 – 9:55 amI have a 7 year-old daughter and I am watching her develop into a wonderful young person. I love to think about the future and have been thinking about Sweet-16 party costs (because apparently the parties can cost enough that I need to start saving now for them). They should probably start some kind of tax-deferred savings vehicle like an IRA for Weddings and Sweet-16s. Anyway, maybe this could be an alternative to the Sweet-16. Although, it looks like it will cost just as much.
The way they did it in the article, it seems over-the-top and sexist for me.
Here is the article…
Dancing the Night Away, With a Higher Purpose
By NEELA BANERJEE
Published: May 19, 2008
At the Purity Ball, fathers and daughters unite to make public pledges of sexual abstinence until marriage.
I guess if I was planning a type of “Purity” Ball, it would be for my daughter and it would incorporate her ideas about faith and commitment. The NY Times article shares about an event that seemingly is not focussed on the girls, but it is about a father’s commitment to be, I don’t know, a “better” father/”Christian.”
In brief, but MOST importantly the incorporation of my wife would be essential and foundational. We are by God’s blessing, through our marriage - one. Thinking about my daughters decisions, faith, self-control, gifts - all that she is and is becoming - parentally speaking, she comes from a joint effort from my wife and me through grace, love, mutual respect and parental influence all focused on God (as proclaimed throughout scripture). While I understand the importance of a daddy/daughter relationship, I also understand the importance of a mommy/daughter relationship. Both relationships are paramount to the development of a child (regardless of gender).
What do you think about the idea? If you were to plan something like this for your child, what would you do?
6 Responses to “The Purity Ball - What do you think?”
In an atmosphere like that, I would question how involved the daughters were in making the decisions to take that pledge. Is it the girl’s response to her heavenly Father? Or is she making that pledge because Daddy is desparate to protect the virtue of his child?
I completely agree that mom should be involved… but this is really daughter’s decision, isn’t it? I think she would be better served by making this kind of pledge at an event that is her own… not necessarily at the Daddy/Daughter ball–where expectations are held high.
By Ryan on May 21, 2008
I would want it to be about celebrating who my daughter is as a whole person, not just her sexuality. I grew up in this ethos described in the article and there was this idea that as long as a girl didn’t have sex, everything else would be fine.
So many things in this article made me squirm, from the father pledging to “cover my daughter as her authority” to the swords by the cross thing. I think the dads need to pledge to their daughters that they will have an active relationship with their daughters, encourage them to be all that God has created them to be, and to be a safe person to turn to when they make mistakes.
By Iris on Jun 4, 2008
Iris said it so well.
By Mary Beth on Jun 4, 2008
What Iris and Mary Beth said . . .
By Ruby on Jun 4, 2008
I’m sorry. But these things make me nuts. Are we have a purity ball for the young men too??? No. We don’t. We do the “cinderella” thang. Put the responsibility of “purity” in the court of young women.
This. makes. Me. CRAZY. (And I have daughters)
I do not like these, Sam I am.
Deb
very tired and slightly crazed. sorry.
By Deb on Jun 4, 2008
Although the slants are definite and true (as a feminist I have huge questions about the father’s role as well as the mother’s role… as well as why this isn’t done for sons) but from a hispanic perspective, this tradition sounds identical to quinceañera celebrations held in Puerto Rico and Mexico in particular on a girl’s 15th birthday.
The quinceañera has been since adapted in modern situations to have more balanced liturgies that are about the daughter growing up and the parent’s support.
However, quinceañeras are (at least in the community where I serve) incredibly expensive, rivaling weddings by far. So, it is not a route to save money. The UMC and other historic denominations have worship liturgies that are not as sexist or patriarchal that are options.
In any case, it seems that this purity ball is a taking of someone else’s cultural tradition without the history or story that explains its roots, meanings, or current interpretations and uses.
By tonguesafire on Jun 5, 2008