Sinner in need.
June 17, 2008 – 9:48 am
I have been thinking a lot recently about a lot of deep stuff. One is sin. I find that because I am a Christian and even more so a pastor, there is often a perception within the church and community that I am less flawed or more righteous.
I am not quite sure where these perceptions come from, but clearly I am not less flawed or more righteous. I am a sinner in need of grace throughout my entire journey of life. Like the rest of us, I struggle with self-destructive behaviors and I wrestle with relationships.
It is true that I yearn for more time with God and cling to Jesus. Yet, if anything, a more accurate perception of me might be one in which I have screwed up life worst than most and out of the misery and suffering I turned to turn to Jesus, who was there all the time waiting for me to be ready. He offered me forgiveness and grace and gave me hope. He assured me that He would never leave me.
In that, I have become hopeful and seen some positive changes in my life. I give glory to God for that, but I am still a person - apparently less perfect than the stereotypical “pastor” and in need of prayer, forgiveness and grace just as much as the next person.
Can I expect that? From some, yes. And from others probably not. Regardless, God has called me to lead less-than perfect people to a hope of freedom, even in my own imperfections and flaws.
The Apostle Paul’s states in his letter to the Romans:
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. (Romans 7:15-25, TNIV)
This is not to justify my behaviors. It is not to make me feel better. But as a pastor called to lead, it is to know the reality of my own state in a world in which I/we were born and have a chance to be redeemed.
